Depression/Anxiety/whatever-it-is
Sometimes it is just really hard to do anything. Depression makes me feel just really lazy while my anxiety makes me feel like I’m a failure for not doing anything. Combine the two together and I’m just a big ball of stress. Sometimes I don’t even wanna be touched by the dog. It really sucks because my baby knows I’m not happy and tries to make me happy by cuddling me or being silly, but my anxiety/sensory-overload/stress/whatever-you-wanna-call-it makes me just want to curl up into a ball and do nothing, but being a mom who is home with my little more than I am not I cannot just get away and destress. The only time I get to myself is late in the evening when I need to sleep, but because I’ve been crawled on, stepped on, pulled on, sometimes even pooped on, my stress/anxiety level is through the roof. So, because of that I can’t sleep which makes me even more irritable the next day. Not to mention the ever growing list of to-do’s that just don’t get done. Or the never ending mound of homework I need to get done. Sometimes I just want to scream, and sometimes I do scream. I scream and yell and fight but by the end of it I’m crying. I’m crying because I know they don’t deserve to be yelled at but I just can’t control it. I’m crying because I want to be the perfect wife/mom and I can’t. I’m crying because I saw someone who looked so beautiful it made me feel like a pile of muck. After I am done crying I feel so stupid which doesn’t help, but I am always so, so, thankful for my honey who doesn’t let me get too down on myself and is always there to hold me when I cry. All I’m saying I guess is when your wife/girlfriend/spouse/etc. seems to be yelling for no reason, there normally is a reason, she may not even know it, but just be there for her it’ll be over and believe me she will feel worse about yelling at you then you can imagine.
Side-note: I started writing this after a very stressful day where I got nothing done, but by the end of the post I was bawling, my hubby came into the kitchen (where I write) and hugged me while I apologized to him and our son for being so stressed out/lazy. He gave me a big kiss on the head and just held me as I cried.
Side-note: I started writing this after a very stressful day where I got nothing done, but by the end of the post I was bawling, my hubby came into the kitchen (where I write) and hugged me while I apologized to him and our son for being so stressed out/lazy. He gave me a big kiss on the head and just held me as I cried.